Saturday, September 8, 2007

What happens when the lights go out.


These are my school children. They have been in school a little over a week and we were just settling into a great routine where 3 times a week, I just have ONE CHILD AT HOME. It's amazing how much I can get done. How, if someone screams, I can get to the source pretty quickly. How, if she gets a lollipop, it's not orange (the least favorite color of my other children) and does not have dog hair on it. It's pretty blissful.
On Wednesday morning, we got a call from our school that the electricity was out and we would not be having school today. WHAT?!? Are you kidding me? What about flashlights? What about generators? What about the great history lessons that could be had about all our predecessors who went to school without electricity and walked uphill both ways in the snow?
Ok, Ok, I can do this. I did it ALL summer. Melissa, put your cruise director hat on and get ready for question numero uno that was coming as soon as school cancellation was announced..."Can we have friends over to play?!?"
So, at about 7:45, plans were being made to get together with friends and enjoy yet another day of summer vacation...
Here's how it went.
1. My boys and their friends tried to light a bonfire in the garage of a friends house for warmth. It was 97 degrees outside. They were also trying to sacrifice worms in the fire. Sick.
2. We went to lunch at Chick Fil A. Very nutritious. Well, we have 3rd graders and they ran as fast as they could straight for the play area (reserved for children 24 inches and below). The look of shock and awe on the faces of the other mothers was priceless. But not so priceless that we didn't eat as fast as we could and get the heck out of there before a mob of these mothers formed and chased us and our 7 unusually ill behaved children out of Chick Fil A forever. There is no shame like that of a mother who other mothers think has ill behaved children.
3. Tip, when a child says "Mom, smell my finger." NEVER do it.
4. Legos, Legos, Legos.
5. Dress up, Dress up, Dress up.
6. Snack, Snack, Snack.
7. Make Chocolate Chip Cookies.
8. Clean Bathrooms. (Ok, Wednesday is the day I clean my bathrooms so the little girls helped me get them all sparkely and shiny. Smelling great and disinfected.)
9. Meanwhile, the boys wanted to get on Ebay and see what lego action figures were selling for. Ok, I said. They have been warned about deviating from the appropriate websites on the internet or typing anything in at random. We also have a killer blocker, I can barely go to Nordstrom.com. Legos on Ebay seemed pretty harmless.
"Mom, I typed in a bad word on Ebay Express." Said with face downtrodden but the corners of the mouth twitching and curving slightly upward.
"WHAT DID YOU TYPE IN?" ( I felt like I was going to vomit because of what my precious son might of seen and the idea of having to tell my friend what her son might have seen on my watch.)
"penis"
"WHAT?!?" Tee, why did you do that?"
"Sin mom, I am a sinner saved by grace. Total depravity. For God so loved the world that he gave his only son so that whoever believes in him and should type in a bad word on the computer should not perish but have eternal life."
"What did you see?"
"Penis enlargement pills. We didn't even scroll down." (I checked this out and it was true, maybe a pump for penis enlargement (gross) was on the first page as well but that was it.)
10. The talk, the prayer, the discipline, and the consequences.
11. The conversation with my friend explaining why my bathrooms were clean but her son's mind a little dirtier. Ugh.
12. Goodbys, dinners, baths, more prayers, goodnights.
13. The phone call from the school that the lights were still out and we would not be having school again tomorrow.
14. Thank you Lord, that your mercies are new every morning and though our sins were as scarlet, You have made them white as snow.

5 comments:

Candy said...

This is great!! Keep them coming, Hood Mama! I'll be your agent to contract your book deal.
Love you,
Candy

emily said...

Ummmm- I already have been retained as agent, mama. So sorry-we could probably use your help setting up at various press junkets though:)

Shawn and Jami said...

wow! and i thought kindergarten was full of stories, it looks like motherhood is even better. thanks for a good belly laugh.

Misty said...

Melissa Melissa! :O) what a great entry. lots of laughs, and yes, so thankful am I also that His mercies are new every morning! Amen

JB said...

Ok...seriously??!!! I almost just peed in my pants...really...