Wednesday, November 7, 2007

How not to make a friend.

Ok, I totally KNOW better. TOTALLY.

Unfortunately, my brain disconnected from body yesterday and, in my haste to meet a new friend at our school, I violated one of the cardinal rules of, well, being alive.

NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ASK A WOMAN IF SHE IS PREGNANT.


What if she's about to deliver and is asking you for a bowl of hot water, a towel and a soft place to lie down?
NEVER.

What if she asks to borrow your old baby swing and if you know a good O.B.?
NEVER, NEVER.

What if she's eating a roasted turkey leg, a jar of pickles, and large basket of fries with a strawberry milkshake and says, "giggle, giggle, you know, just eating for two"?
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER.

What if she has that beautiful glow and is wearing what might be interpreted as maternity clothes.
OH MY GOODNESS, DON'T YOU DARE.

I did.
She wasn't.

14 comments:

Abbie said...

Ohhhh don't you just love those 'if I could only rewind time' moments?? :)

Ellen said...

How funny! I saw a commercial like that one time.

emily said...

Say it isn't so!!! I heart you....

Process Mapping Blog said...

Mel,
I did the same once, only once, and still have nightmares about it. The faster you back peddle the worse it gets!
DAD

Lee said...

I've said some pretty dumb things to women, but I can't compete with this!

Candy said...

Oh my, Melissa. I got cold chills as I read this because I remember so well the LAST time I did this. I am one of those really dumb ones who has actually committed this unforgiveable
sin, not once, but twice! I mean, what can you say in the silence...
"Oh, you're just fat!"????
You made my day!!
Candy

Shawn and Jami said...

I do know what it is like to want to go back in time and have a "do over"...sweet melissa!


jami

emily said...

you can join the club, you will just no longer be a mama of four:)

The Fournet Family said...

Funny, funny story! Natalie

M~ that was SO hilarious! i would have paid great money to be a fly on that wall. girl... you are a laugh a min;~) carliz~

JB said...

I have (fortunately) never made this mistake yet Mel. However, a certain shirt I wear always seems to warrant my brothers literally screaming at me that is a MATERNITY shirt Jess! You shouldn't be wearing that!!!

Oh well!

Jana said...

oh no you DIDN'T! :)

Ted and Lori said...

I was *asked* this question once at church by a woman in my Bible study who knew we had started trying to get pregnant a few months before. Not to make you feel any worse, :) but it was a truly awful experience. I just sort of laughed when she asked me and said, "No I'm not, and I'll definitely never wear *this* dress again." And I haven't, not once.

S. said...

Oh I am so sorry--that is just the worst feeling :(
I think we have all been there.

Brian said...

Dear Mrs. Hill,
I must have stumbled upon this blog of yours, and in doing so, must comment on your post. Not to make matters worse, but it was my wife that you directed this comment to. She is not pregnant, but is still trying to lose her "baby weight" after delivering a year ago. Since this latest episode, she will now only go out in public if wearing a moo moo or poncho (when raining).
But let's let bygones be bygones and move on ahead and live life whether or not you still think my sweet wife looks like Orca.
With Love,
Herman Melville