Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Crime Scene. Do Not Cross.

Ok, what I'm about to say may totally repulse you and/or make you think I'm the most insensitive person. What you have to remember is that I'm not insensitive all the time, I just have a sarcastic sense of humor. Here goes.

When Trey and I moved into the neighborhood, I made a bet with him that I would be the first one to see/discover a dead body.

I know it's horribly morose but we were moving into a very sketchy part of town where really bad stuff happened all the time and it's how I dealt with my fears. Morbid humor. I'm sorry.

As of today, I am the unfortunate winner of that contest.
People, there's been a murder.

Sometime between the hours of 1:00pm and 4:00pm, Lucy hamster brutally murdered Baby Girl hamster. We discovered her body after carpool and snack. The heinous crime is still under investigation and CSI has come and combed the wood chips for fibers, fluids and any other evidence that may uncover the motive.

Of course, there's all kinds of speculation flying around. Was it a turf war between rival hamster gangs? Maybe Baby Girl was getting a little mouthy or hoarding the seeds and nuts. Some jealous rage over a sick love triangle? A savings and loan scam gone south? We may never know.

Lucy isn't talking and there are no witnesses except Augustine the Bearded Dragon and his testimony won't hold up because ... well...he drinks.

Needless to say, Olivia is heartbroken. I guess heartbroken is the word I'm looking for. After her initial cry and come-apart, she asked if we could get new hamsters and feed the murderous Lucy to Max the cat.

A little cup-o-mourning with a nice dollop of vengeance.
Ain't she sweet?


emily said...

Will you please do a guest post for me? I still have nothing and you said you had nothing, but somehow came up with this post!!

Poor O! Sorry about that but you have definitely helped solidify why I don't want hamsters in this here casa.

Holli said...

All dogs go to heaven..... so does this include hamsters? You know like him and brother translates into us girls? :)

MissHannah said...

I always thought there was something wrong with that lucy.

Angela said...

OK Melissa, after that post it's time you know you have another faithful reader (lurker) since "Emily made you do it" -Thanks Em. And just so you know the power of your mighty blog...Michael's been pestering me for weeks to read Blue Like Jazz. He finally uttered 5 little words..."it's like reading Melissa's blog"! How's that for a compliment! No pressure now, huh? Lovin the book. Love your blog. Thanks for the great words!

Oh, sorry about the hamster. We can relate. Our sweet Butterscotch made it a whole 6 days when Kat came in saying "look mom it's letting me hold it"!:)

mindalou said...

Alright...so I decided to do some research - just trying to psycho analyze why sweet Lucy would do such a thing...seems she might just be a product of her environment.
I found this on one of those 'ask the vet' websites...thought it might give us a bit of insight into the situation.

Question -
Last week I got two male Chinese hamsters for my birthday and settled them into their new home Yesterday I peeked at them and one was asleep in the wheel and one was asleep(?)in the house, today I have gone to clean the cage and only one was there!
We checked the cage and it is secure and we cannot find any way that a hamster could have escaped.
I have been told hamsters can eat each other, could this have happened?
This is really awful, but I need to know the answer...Please help

Answer -
Hi Hannah. Sorry to hear about your problem.

Yes, hamsters will eat each other, but usually when people speak of hamsters eating each other, they are talking of females cannabalising their young when they feel stressed, or when babies are born dead or die shortly after birth.

I have only ever seen adult hamsters cannabalise each other when they are kept in the most inhumane and horrible conditions, usually they are neglected, overcrowded and starving, and the one being eaten has passed away from dehydration or malnutrition or a combination of the two, and the others eat the carcass merely as a last ditch attempt at survival.

I highly doubt neglect could have been the culprit with so many little hands to handle them...I think it was Augustine. He got tired of sharing the lime-light and staged the whole affair.

Candy said...

It's the fall! The murderous heart of the hamster. So thankful I cannot relate! This IS PRICELESS!!!
Love you, Melissa girl. You are bringing joy to so many through your zany lens on life!!
Candy, the mother-in-law

Amie said...

found you through your SIL's blog..

Omgoodness this is hilarious....

thanks for the laugh(is that sick)..oh yeah.. and sorry about the hampster..


Susanne said...

It made for an interesting day at school. Olivia can sure tell a story with flare. By the end of the day she was afraid it was her fault because daddy had told her they needed to be held a lot in order to not be violent. She said she was too busy watching TV & other things to hold them. Tell Trey I sure hope he held his kids all the time. I may not be able to allow Luke to visit any more. I'll also be keeping one eye on Liv at all times.

Abbie said...

Oh dear Melissa.
You had me believin' I was preparing to read a real life law and order/CSI/horror flick. Is it sick that I'm a little dissapointed? OH C'MON. It's been a long couple of weeks.
That is freaking HILARIOUS that your little one wanted to feed the killer to the kitty. Atta girl!! :)