Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Ok, what I'm about to say may totally repulse you and/or make you think I'm the most insensitive person. What you have to remember is that I'm not insensitive all the time, I just have a sarcastic sense of humor. Here goes.
When Trey and I moved into the neighborhood, I made a bet with him that I would be the first one to see/discover a dead body.
I know it's horribly morose but we were moving into a very sketchy part of town where really bad stuff happened all the time and it's how I dealt with my fears. Morbid humor. I'm sorry.
As of today, I am the unfortunate winner of that contest.
People, there's been a murder.
Sometime between the hours of 1:00pm and 4:00pm, Lucy hamster brutally murdered Baby Girl hamster. We discovered her body after carpool and snack. The heinous crime is still under investigation and CSI has come and combed the wood chips for fibers, fluids and any other evidence that may uncover the motive.
Of course, there's all kinds of speculation flying around. Was it a turf war between rival hamster gangs? Maybe Baby Girl was getting a little mouthy or hoarding the seeds and nuts. Some jealous rage over a sick love triangle? A savings and loan scam gone south? We may never know.
Lucy isn't talking and there are no witnesses except Augustine the Bearded Dragon and his testimony won't hold up because ... well...he drinks.
Needless to say, Olivia is heartbroken. I guess heartbroken is the word I'm looking for. After her initial cry and come-apart, she asked if we could get new hamsters and feed the murderous Lucy to Max the cat.
A little cup-o-mourning with a nice dollop of vengeance.
Ain't she sweet?