Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I've been reduced to this?

Being in full-time ministry and wanting a somewhat pretty home can sometimes, well alltimes, be like catfish and chocolate milk. They just don't go together. I have found myself once or twice in the predicament of wanting to beautify my ghetto abode just a little but without the budget to do so. It has made me do some things that give me...well, pause.

My friend, Jennifer Peterson, once found me a great old oil painting to go on my mantle. (She wants me to use her full name so when she Googles herself, at least something will come up. It's a little crazy but, for her, I'll overlook it. On that note, if you Google my name you get a porn star. It's not me. Promise.)
I put that beautiful and, might I add very affordable, painting on my mantle for a week or so to "think it over". Translation: 'if it stays long enough, Trey might forget about it and won't make me send it back'.

It's passive aggressive, I know, but now you see where I'm going with this.

One night, (it's about to get ugly so if you have a weak stomach, you might want to skip ahead) I cooked us up some bbq pork roast. Delicious. I need to get you the recipe. Unfortunately, when cooking a large slab of meat, there is inevitably some fat left over in the pan that I carefully cut away so that it never makes it into a sandwich. Trey bet me that I wouldn't eat some of the nasty pork fat.
When I asked him what he'd give me, he said "you can keep the painting".
"What?!? But it's been hanging there all week and you haven't said anything! I thought that meant I already could keep it?"
"Hey Mrs. McPassive Agressive! Um, that would be a no...unless, of course, you want to participate in a little Hill fear factor...or, are you scared?" Maniacal laugh.

Here's the painting.

I ate pork fat for home accessories.
Totally worth it.

This morning Jennifer Peterson (that's two mentions for Google), called me to say she saw a couch that had "pretty lines and great potential" out in front of someone's house for bulk trash. "You have to go get it."
So I drove by.
It was in Highland Park which is kind of like Beverly Hills but without all the poor people.
The couch was pretty but way to heavy for me to lift all by myself so I did what anyone else would do...
I drove around the corner and picked up five painters from a construction site who spoke only Spanish. I speak no Spanish except for Taco, Enchilada, Margarita and ayudame. I also showed them $10 and pointed. 'Nuff said. They hopped in my car with Sadie and I and loaded that couch without breaking a sweat.
At first it was looking like it wasn't going to fit and one of my helpers said, "Es trash?"
"Yes! Es trash!"
"If it no fit in your car, I take it my truck."
I cracked up and said, "You just want my couch!"
He laughed really hard because 1. I was right and 2. I was calling this roadside trash "mine".
Sadie and I rode all the way back to our house with the trash-couch sticking out of the back of my car and into the arms of my most-annoyed husband.
"It has potential, baby. Really."
"Of course it does, Melissa. Of course it does."


jay n tricia said...

Melissa, you are so awesome. And I think I can speak for all your readers when I say I cannot wait to see what magic you work with your new couch!

JB said...

Wow... So.stinkin.funny. I had to read this aloud to my sweet mom who exclaimed "nothing wrong with picking up trash couches...good for her!!!" (sidenote-she is one of those die hard garage sale people who will barter with you on a $.25 piece of china) (I tell no lies...really)

She also raved about your hubby's "hero of the week" on KRLD...very cool!

Christy said...

Melissa, I saw a link to a Theta blog on Jessica's link page. She is my CBS leader. Then I saw that it was one of my Theta sister at A&M. I was a year behind you. I keep up with Chrys and told her about your blog and she has already visited as well. So cool what you all are doing. I added you to my google reader and look forward to keeping up. Christy

Holli said...

You must tell us what fear factor has on the schedule for next week and if you win the couch!:)

Candy said...

She's back! Keep these blogs coming. Your life is full of them....daily. I KNOW it has potential. Now for some fabric and reupholstery... we can do it on the cheap.
Love you!

fAiThFuL cHiCk said...

Just found your blog. Cute...very cute. And witty.

Love it.

-faithful chick

emily said...

I knew all about the "chew the fat" story, but the couch was new to me:) I can't wait to see it and what you do with it.

Abbie said...

Catfish and chocolate milk just happen to be a personal favorite of mine. OOh! And puree them together in a blender and it's PURE HEAVEN. But thats just me....

fully operational battle station said...

You deserve an award for your dedication. Dedication to your painting, to your friend for mentioning her full name twice and your dedication to the trash couch.

There are two kinds of people in life. The ones that eat pork fat to keep a painting while also ordering large groups of men around while speaking another language AND.... those that don't. I like to be friends with the kind that do.

You rock. Please post pictures of the couch.


PS Catfish and chocolate milk. Funny.

Misty said...

it's hard to laugh loud quietly while reading your blog postings in the public library!!! :O)

Jeff said...

I want to see the picture of the couch and, if possible, your hourly laborers.

rk said...

You crashed my blog so I'm returning the favor. Email me and we can catch up. Great to hear from you and read about your life.

ross king