Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Honesty is the best policy, though not always fun.

It's been a long day at the end of a long week over here in the hood.

I'm not really feeling very blogfull but my mother-in-law told me it was time for me to do a new post and, well, that's pretty much all it took. I'm a people pleaser to the core and am still vying for the award for Daughter-in-Law of the Year, 2008. Speaking of, don't get any wild ideas out there and do something crazy like donate an organ to your mother-in-law to try to out-do me. I'd really like to lock this one up early and don't need any overachievers stealing my crown.

Anywho, back to life. I have to be honest, it's been better. Someone wrote somewhere that I can't remember that it's wise not to blog while emotional. That could account for the week between posts.

West Dallas public schools were out last week and the police were out in full force the last day trying to maintain order at the high school. It is a day notorious for large fights and general chaos. It was a step up from last year when they had to bring paddy wagons out to load up all the unruly students. I guess they thought there had been some improvements on the part of the children and left the paddy wagons at the station this year.

That was Thursday, and thankfully, the last day came and went with very little incident. At home, though, I was wading up to my unusually large earlobes in angst.

I love our life most days and can even see it as a beautiful calling a good 82.6% of the time. But, there are those times when I feel like I'm caving under the weight of the raising of my own children, let alone two more and then some. What are we going to do all summer? How can I keep up with everyone? Can I leave for the day and trust that the older boys won't have a ton of friends in and eat the food that was supposed to stretch all week?

And then, how can I be so selfish when maybe they're friends are hungry because their refrigerators are empty and their mommas are sleeping off another night shift.

Why will they wear their best clothes to school or the mall but put on their rattiest for worship? What's on those Mp3 players they're listening to all the time and how much say do we have in the music they're listening to? I know how I'd feel if they were mine and I'd had 14 years to pour into them but, we've been thrown into the proverbial woods here and don't want to lose the forest for the trees.
I feel so ridiculous writing this and as I read it back it's screaming, "ASK THEM. TALK TO THEM. BE HONEST WITH THEM."
We do, we have, we are. It's just not as easy as I thought it would be.
They grew up in a neighborhood where it was fun to break 88 windows in the school on graduation night.

Where someone would break into a ministry to steal 4 times in one week and our family has to lose time with my husband, and the kids' daddy again so he can go find out what was stolen.

Where I can go for a run and find a friend's credit card lying in the grass who's purse was stolen from her car across town the day before.

I know it's about the transformation of the heart. It's about the fruit that will come to bear that we may not have the privilege of seeing anytime soon. It's pointing even one child to the Cross of Grace and letting go of control so you can rest in the One who really has it. There are just days, or weeks where I'm tired of the crime, the trash, the attitudes, and the dirty Wal-Mart bathrooms that I know don't exist in any other Wal-Mart in town.

There are days I just want to be normal, and upwardly mobile, and quite frankly, a really good singer.

I know I have not been called to any of those things and if I'm brutally honest sometimes I think God made a giant error in judgment. I lack wisdom, discernment, patience, and can't sing to save my life. Even if I could dance it would help but, I'm lost there, too.

I am, however, a child of the Living God who is the Author and, more encouraging to me today, Perfector of my faith. It is He who promises to shelter me in the shadow of His wing, to lead me to streams of living water and restore my soul.

That is alone my hope and assurance.

Thank you Lord, for your faithfulness when I have none...and please give me something funny to write about tomorrow so my friends don't get depressed and take me off of their blogrolls.



Sheila said...

Does it help to know that your blog encourages us who are sitting in our nice (not rich, but nice) houses in our nice (safe) neighborhoods to take a chance to serve the Lord? I think that if you are doing what you are doing, surely I can do more! I don't have any wise words, but can only say that I know you will and are accomplishing so much more than you realize. It is unlikely that you will ever know the impact that you have, but God does know. May He bless you with strength and encouragement and JOY.

Jen said...

I love it. Honesty is great!

And I am beginning to realize that the Lord delights to use us when we feel the most unuseful. That's when he gets the glory.

Though I don't like that feeling b/c I like to be in control and on top of things. :)

Daisy Girl said...

Thanks for your honesty! For me, I know that there are people who are in much worse situations, financially, physically, or emotionally, but it doesn't mean what I'm dealing with is easy. And when there is thing upon thing upon thing to deal with, it just feels overwhelming sometimes. And yet, in the midst of all the chaos, I can clearly see where God is using me. And I can clearly see where God is using you. In the midst of all the chaos. Thank you for being honest. It is easy as Christians to want to put on a good "show" for others and want them to think that things are perfect all the time. I think we need to be MORE honest with each other and encourage each other in Chris more consistently. Thanks for sharing. You are an encouragment to me!

Daisy Girl said...

Um, that was to encourage each other in Christ, not Chris. :) I'm a little tired this morning. Ha!

Chrys and Mike said...

oh, sweet friend. thanks for being transparent. praying for you right now.

"may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you will overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." rom. 15:13

love to you.


Kate said...

Thank you for sharing the good and the not always 100% good all the time...that is REAL LIFE and that is what life as a Believer is all about. It ain't all roses and Jesus promised us that it wouldn't be. BUT God...His mercy and faithfulness never fails and His grace is sufficient and His love for your family and all the people He brings across your path, is everlasting and unchanging!!! I pray your day is blessed with peace...hang in there and you're STILL on my blogroll! :D

Jeff and Abby said...

Love this post...You know, God calls us out of our comfort zones and sometimes you just want to throw in the towel and have things the way you're used to be. But it's when we're out of that comfort zone that God changes us, and uses us, all for HIS glory. All for eternity. That's one things we're really learning right now(in a different way).
You guys will be so blessed by listening and obeying your calling...you won't even need a daughter-in-law of the year crown(but let's be honest- we DO all strive for it). ha!

Jennifer said...

Thank you for blogging exactly what you feel. I also have the desire to be "normal" more than I'd like to admit.
Sending prayers from Botswana!

S. said...

Thinking of and praying for you here!

renee said...

I've never commented before, but here you go...
your honesty is so refreshing! At this very moment I am having a terrible day, as my only daughter, 8, (I have 3 kids total) and I are butting heads so bad that every day is marked with multiple arguements. If I am honest, I am very worried about our relationship, worried about her future (my goodness, what will the teens be like if she is like this at 8!!) and I am at my wits end.

Anyway, like I said, your honesty is refreshing, like a reminder that I can be honest to myself, and honest to God.

Thank you.

JB said...

Sometimes...you just need to vent. And you need people to listen. Not really to give advice, or try to fix it, or try to preach to you, but to really just listen. It's funny I just read that with my fiance in our devotional book yesterday. You have hard days...days when your faith, emotions, wits are being tested. Those times are hard. So vent. Breathe. And know that you have some peeps that will just listen.

P.S.-You are awesome and also human. You inspire me so much just by reading about your ministry on your blog...seriously...you kind of rock. :)

Abbie said...

I love you friend, and whether you think you are doing a good job or not, you are setting an AWESOME example for 'baby christians' like me who strive to do just as God calls me to do. You are a blessing to little old me, and to those precious boys who call your house home! :)

Candy said...

Daughter-in-law of the century!!! Hey... this blog is your heart and you edify, encourage and enrich the body by what you share, be it hysterical (funny) or hysterical ("Lord, I'm out of control here!" emotional).
Jesus ALONE knows your need right now, is sufficient for that need, and WILL FILL you with His grace to meet every challenge He calls you to endure.
His love and grace shine through you. You and your family live the gospel for us daily. Be assured, He is near!
Love you,
The Mother-in-Law

MissHannah said...

I love you friend. I'm so thankful for you and your honesty.

These Three Kings said...

" Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up"-Galatians 6

oh wow.. now this is real..the last part was too funny -LOL-- but oh soo real!!

Oh, girl, I can imagine what you feel like... delta and I talk about this all the time, Oh, how I wish we all lived closer to one another!!! First of all, I am so encouraged with your honesty ..

I want to encourage you to think about all his promises to you.. times are going to be hard for us my friend.. oh.. but ,what rest we can find in those promises to us..
In the book of James we are told, “Submit yourselves then to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.”.. your enemy is firing some serious darts at you..BUT as you draw closer to your savior he PROMISES TO DRAW even CLOSER TO YOU.. Our families have been chosen and have taken that radical risk to step onto "the devil's play ground".. so know that he will do all he can to prevent us from shedding any form of LIGHT in our neighborhood.. I will be praying with you and for you.. I totally get it.. hang in there.. Jesus has already WON this battle, and He has PROMISED to give you what you NEED FOR THIS DAYS BATTLE...
“Give us this day, our daily bread.” (Luke 11:3) take it one day at a time

Isaiah 32:19
My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.

He who loves YOU and all those in your hood will do just as the verse above says..There is REST right where you are because HE is there with YOU!!


emily said...

Oh sweet sister, I am so encouraged by you, by your walk with Jesus. Your attitude amazes me, even on your hard days. The refinement process is never easy, but He is faithful! :)

I might also add here- I have one brother, ONE. So there really is no competition, my mom can say "oh you win, you win" and be totally honest! :)

You are an amazing daughter in law and sister in law- that much is true.

Melanie said...

on so many levels this post touched me. you are such a picture of the servant I wish to be. What a blessing you are not only to your family (extended and all), but to your MANY friends who love you. I am thankful to be one of them.

mel said...

Bad grammer can completely change the meaning of a sentence. Please insert a comma between "are" and "not"

Jess said...

Even if I had read this post first (before your one with the picture of your daughter sleeping with a reptile!!) I wouldn't have taken you off my blog roll!! ;)

Thank you for sharing honestly your struggles. I appreciate it because otherwise, it is easy to fantasize too much about the "wonderful" "adventures" God may call me to next.

You are honest and real. I know God is using those qualities to bless your children, friends, your neighborhood and community. (not to mention us bloggies)