I'm not exactly sure how to write this post and am at a total loss on how to start so I'll just begin by writing what happened yesterday and then hope it flows from there.
I had just the little ones home yesterday afternoon and we were getting ready to head out to run a few errands before Trey got home.
I was going to pay some tickets so I wouldn't get arrested but that's totally not the point of this post and I'd appreciate you not dwelling on it, but also giving me the name of a good attorney if you happen to have one handy.
I was downstairs trying to round everyone up and Tee was already waiting in the car when the girls came running down the stairs screaming and crying. I couldn't understand what they were saying but they have a penchant for the dramatic so my first reaction was definitely not panic.
When I heard the word "FIRE!" and "House is on..", I panicked. By now everyone was screaming and crying and I could smell smoke so I scurried everyone outside and ran in to see what was burning. After several moments of trying to find the source of the smoke and smell, I looked under our air hockey table to see a lamp and a blanket in flames. I could hear my kids still screaming in the front yard and quickly put out the fire. When I got the kiddos inside and assured the them everything was fine, they started crying and screaming all over again. It was right about then that my oldest called his father; screaming that the house was on fire. I couldn't even explain anything yet since I still didn't even know exactly what had happened .
When I finally got everyone settled and tried to find out how the fire started, Sadie, through tears said, "I was playing tent and plug-ged in the lamp from our room and it caught on fire." When I looked at her closely for the first time, her hair, eyebrows and eyelashes were all singed.
Now, I totally broke down. I KNEW that lamp had a short in it and had meant to have it rewired but hadn't taken care of it yet and worse, had left it in the girls' room. Holding Sadie and smelling he smoke and burned hair, my mind immediately went down the road of "what if" and it's a dark path. I trust fully in a soverign God who has us firmly in the palm of His hand but I also struggle with my flesh that keeps whispering, "Where were you? Why weren't you watching her? What if it had been worse?"
Over the years, I've been taught great lessons in humility when it comes to caring for children. It's so easy to believe, "I got this." and yet we never really do. We aren't designed to work independent of His grace and it only takes a moment to be reminded of our inadequacies. We are designed to depend fully on One who graciously gives us each breath and to lean into His strength when we are weakest.
Thank you, Lord for protecting Sadie, and the rest of our family yesterday and always. Thank you for sheltering us all in the shadow of your wing and for reminding me that You are an ever present help in trouble. Without You, I am lost.