Friday, August 22, 2008

Look what the dog dragged in.

Our dogs, Fern and Scout, have gotten into some really bad habits. They get on the furniture, lick my children's ice cream cones when they're not looking, and every time we open the front door, if they can find a way, they dart out and go for a run around the neighborhood. They're really not getting into any trouble, they don't dig up anything or bite anyone, they just do a little sprint, kinda like a quick 400 and then come on back to our front door spent and thirsty. You're probably thinking they should be more disciplined. You may be right, dog whispererer, but I like to look at life with a 'glass half full' perspective; my dogs take themselves for a walks.

This morning I was loading up the little ones for a park date when Scout and Fern, as usual, made a break for it. When we need to, we can keep them inside but Sadie was the last one out the door and they can smell weakness. They shoved past her and sprinted around the corner. I was, for the first time in my life, running late so I asked Dea and Darius to let the scoundrels back in when they heard them scratching on the front door.

"No problem."

What I apparently forgot to mention was that the dogs are to leave anything they find on their self-walk at the front door. Doritos bags, plastic bottles, rib bones, etc. are not allowed to cross the threshold of our house. Those treasures have to stay on the front porch to be properly disposed of. As I'm writing this I'm thinking maybe my dogs are, like, adopting my neighborhood, kind of like the Adopt-a-Highway program. Cleanin' as they go.

I knew I could spin it.

It became obvious that I had forgotten to mention the whole leaving trash at the front door thing when ten minutes later I got a phone call from Darius...

"MaMelissa, Scout brought a bird into the house."

"Is it alive?"

"It's totally alive but not flying. What do we do?"

Ok, I've read "Are You My Mother?" so many times I could recite it in my sleep so I immediately had a plan.

"Darius, here's what I want you to do. Walk around the corner and try to find the nest. I'm sure it's right in our neighbor's tree and you just reach up, up, up, and put that baby right back in it's nest. Then, when his momma comes home with her red kerchief tied around her head, he'll have quite a story for her."

It's become apparent to me now that the Mama Bird in that story was obviously a Blood 'cause of the red kerchief. If she were a Crip, it would have been blue. It's always nice to have a little insight into a sweet children's story such as what gang the characters are affiliated with. Don't you think?

Back to my problem...

"Uh,'s not exactly a baby. It's kinda big."

"Seriously? Alright, deep breath. Just put it in a box and I'll be home in a couple of hours."

Yeah, it was a little bigger than I thought.

This is Larry Bird. We may love animals but we're not creative.

Look at that thing! It's a pigeon that my dog caught and wounded. Now what am I supposed to do with it? Trey and Hannah both think we're all going to get bird flu.

We're giving him water from a Solo cup and digging up worms for him. We're obviously struggling with guilt and trying to cover over the sins of our dogs with canned corn.

Looks like we might be forgiven for now, but where's this thing sleeping tonight?

Is it me or are those eyes saying, "Wanna fnuggle?"


These Three Kings said...

LOL!!!! girl ...what in the world.. I need to come stay in your hood for a couple of days!! this is too much do you handle it all?? LOL
I am so speechless on this one...whew....

Kate said...

eeeeeekkk!!! it's the birds in the 21st century...make SURE it doesn't have any friends lurking nearby... ;)

JB said...

Hahahaha!!! So funny!!! You crack me where did ole Larry Bird sleep last night? :0)

MissHannah said...

You have animal issues.

Birds are meant to be roasted, used for target practice, and as stuffing in our pillows.

And I'm quite sure the SPCA is knocking at my door after that comment.

I love your bleeding heart.

Susan said...

I can hardly type I'm laughing so hard!
There's a bird sanctuary that's in the direction of parents made the journey a month or two ago to take a huge crane looking bird that patiently sat in an open box in the back seat of their car. Apparently, the birds are loved on so much there that most of them choose to stay rather than fly home...I guess that some of them didn't have such a positive experience with their neighborhood scarey snort with no momma in her red kerchief to greet them. I can get the number if you need it!

Holli said...

so where did it sleep? I can just imagine the cat, lizard and bird.... circle of life.... you might not have any come morning!:)

Lori Leigh said...

I really needed a laugh today! I'm so sorry for you and your "adventures". :) Good luck with the bird!

Mrs. Troop said...

OH. My. Word.
What in the world?
I'll be looking for an update on this one. . .

Garden Girl said...

That is so funny! I want to live at your house! No wait! I have animal stories too! Only MOST do not sleep in my actual house...
You have it all, kids (lots of them :D ) and animals. Thanks for keeping us all entertained!

Anonymous said...

You sure that's a pigeon? If it is, you might have better luck with it feeding it fruit and seeds. Most pigeons don't actually eat worms.

When I was a teenager, my grandfather bought an old warehouse. When he was fixing it up, he sealed off a bunch of holes in the roof, and found a bunch of baby pigeons. He made the mistake of showing me a box full of them...which meant that my family ended up raising 12 baby pigeons. A few of them lived to be old enough to fly away, but birds are hard. Good luck!

Katie said...

This one cracked me up. Wild animals in the house make for the best stories, don't they?

Pattie and Rob said...

Oh my goodness!! LOL
What a hoot. And the name Larry Bird, I love it!!!
Good Luck with your ever growing flock...LOL

Melanie said...

Melissa.... you're too nice.

Sarah said...

I seriously do not know what else could happen in your household....who finds a bird in their house? :-)

And I am sorry but that thing is not endearing to me at all. You have a much bigger heart than I.....being a bird-a-phobic, I have no sympathy for feathered friends.

Good luck, nursing it back to health!

Hauswife said...

Oh dear. I LOVE your stories, Melissa! You are so hysterical. I love how you make the insanity of life so much fun!

btw, about the photo... Snooze, ya lose! :P :D

JB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JB said...

Hey Mel!!! They left me their password too, so I took upon myself to post a few pics that they emailed me from this morning. (hope that's ok)

Long time no see! Looking foward to seeing you on the 1st :)

PS--my brain is FRIED from wedding stuff so I'm sure there are all kinds of fun grammatical errors :)

girlymama said...

Oh my WORD, girl!! I would have FAINTED!

Totally understand - my kids name the ants that are crawling around. I can't imagine if they found a bird!!!