I thought we had a deal. I would not buy into the flu "marketing propaganda". I would not get flu shots and would call them, loud enough for other people to hear, "non-sense". I would bring chicken soup and Milk Duds (again, very medicinal) to my friends who became victims of your viciousness, and nod sympathetically when they told of the horrors you brought to their homes and, especially, their carpet. In return, you would leave my family alone. You would pass over my house leaving us, and our carpet unscathed.
You, my viral friend, in the words of the great Elf, "...sit on a throne of lies!"
You have dropped in for a visit and I wasn't expecting compn'y.
To be more specific, I was totally unprepared. I had no Sprite, no Tylenol, and no homemade Chicken Soup in my freezer. (Ok, that one really isn't a big deal because my kids would take Ramen over homemade chicken soup any day.) And NO MILKDUDS!
You also must be capable of sadistic mind control because, instead of going to my precious pediatrician who would hug me, nod sympathetically, and load me up with free samples, I went to the "Minute Clinic" and got NONE OF THE ABOVE!
What I did get was charged for the one child who you've actually infected and then for each member of our family who has been exposed and needs to be treated. Hello, FLU! Do you know how to add? THAT'S EIGHT! And unless you've been living on the school drinking fountain or in a petri dish, you'd know we're in an economic recession!!!!
Are you also aware that, in those "Minute Clinics", they have to take everyone's vitals before they'll give you a prescription? That means putting everyone on a scale. Have you ever weighed yourself in front of four children who think anything over 75 pounds is HUGE? Of course you haven't, you don't weigh anything, your a small bunch of cells. Well, let me paint a picture for you, flu. They run through the CVS Pharmacy yelling how much their mom weighs and singing the song from Madagascar 2, "I like 'em big, I like 'em chunky. I like 'em round, I like 'em plumpy!"
Oh, the horrors!
Flu, I thought we had an understanding but you have broken your end of the bargain. You have darkened my door and I have not enjoyed your visit.
I hate to do this but, in the only words of Christian Bale fit to print on a family-friendly blog: Flu, you and I are DONE professionally!