Monday, March 2, 2009
A little less than six years ago, I had just found out I was pregnant and genuinely didn't think I could care of another child. I had three babies four-years-old and under and I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Our family was already full of sleepless nights, cutting teeth, diapers, diapers, diapers and had just taken a radical shift with Trey stepping out of the business world and into full-time ministry.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways aknowledge Him and he will make straight your paths.
Still praying and talking through whether we felt called to move into the 'hood, we had asked a realtor to come look at our house just in case we might need to put it on the market in the near future.
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
She called us the next evening to say she'd found a buyer who wanted to put a contract on our little home, sight-unseen. I'm gonna be really honest with you here, it was cute, but not that cute.
"But it's not even on the market yet!"
"Yes, I know, but I've sold it."
Nothing is impossible with God.
We sold on our old house before we could move into the new house in West Dallas so we lived in Trey's grandmother's empty home for about four months. We felt like nomads and were emotionally drained gearing up for the plunge we were taking across the river.
Be still and know I am God.
Usually, when I thought I was pregnant, I took seventeen pregnancy tests and called friends hysterically excited and nervous all at the same time. This time, my reaction was totally different. I took one test, and sat on my bed crying for the good part of a morning. Surely we couldn't be pregnant again. The timing felt overwhelming.
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I really didn't think I could do it all again and exhaustion and depression darkened my faith like never before.
The lowly he sets on high, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.
Friends certainly encouraged me, faithfully prayed for me, sure I would become more excited the further along in my pregnancy I got; once I heard the heartbeat, once I felt the baby move. I never did. Honestly, I didn't believe I could take care of another baby when I already felt I was running on fumes.
I simply could not imagine one more. I didn't want one more.
...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Sadie arrived the morning of March 2, 2004 and when I saw her, when I first laid eyes on her tiny body, the Lord in his infinite mercy, filled me with an unspeakable love for this child I did not have moments before as I labored delivering her.
She was instantly, and forever, a delight to my heart which literally sang out each time I saw her face.
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save, He takes great delight in you. He quiets you with his love, he will rejoices over you with singing.
I couldn't hold her enough and our family had always been incomplete without her. I just hadn't known it.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
She is like a cool drink of water, like the sunshine. She is gentle and generous with her affections and her Littlest Pet Shop animals. She's just what we needed and evidence to me each day when she holds my face and kisses me that the Lord knows what we need before we even ask.
Happy Birthday, Sadie. You are loved beyond words. And thank you, Lord, for your indescribable gift.