Friday, July 17, 2009

Just call me Queen of the Segue.

When we picked Graham up from Pine Cove, he wasn't in the car for five minutes before he said, in very confessionary (not a word) fashion,

"Mom, I have to tell you something. Dramatic pause. When I was at camp, I did something real bad for my body. Real bad."

"Buddy, what'd ya do?"

"I haven't been to the bathroom since you dropped me off. "

"Graham, you mean last Sunday?


"You haven't gone number two (cause we like to use the medical terminology in our home as often as possible) in a week?"


This post will now become an open letter to the McDonald's on I-80 in Terrell.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I'm sorry that we stopped at your establishment for lunch on the way home from camp with a child who had not gone number two in a week. It was reckless on our part but the $1 McDouble was more temptation than we could handle. Let's look on the bright side - he felt as comfortable at McDonald's as he does at home. Perhaps you could work that into your next ad campaign. No thanks necessary, let's just call it even.


The reason I'm telling you this story (thank your lucky stars, there is one) is because after a week of being gone, Julius, the runaway snake has been found. What I'm hoping is that Julius had the same aversion to using the bathroom in unfamiliar terratory as my son. I just don't want to imagine the alternative.

Wednesday night, Dea came running up the stairs yelling, "MaMelissa! MaMelissa! Julius is in our room! He's in our room!"

Clearly, Julius has a sense of humor because saying Dea and Darius aren't snake fans is a gross understatement.

Tee was beside himself with excitement and clearly having not learned his lesson, wanted to carry him around in his pocket.

"Isn't that how he got lost last time?"

"Yeah, but I'll really be careful this time, Mom."

Um. Ok. No.

He's now safe and sound, back in his aquarium, with a tummy full of a previously frozen baby mouse.

And all is right with the world.


Holli said...

oh my seriously can you all start a reality show! I would TOTALLY WATCH!!!

Heather said...

I am so glad that the snake has been found. And a frozen mouse?! How disgusting! I'd lock that cage so that snake never gets out again. I can't even imagine!

Susan said...

Do you keep the frozen mice next to the fish sticks?? I passed that McDonalds yesterday...the sign on the door said "Closed due to plumbing problems"...The rest of the story!

Deidra said...

Having recently overcome my aversion to unfamiliar porcelain facilities, I completely understand Graham's...ahem...predicament. The frozen mice however? Never in a million years! (Knock on wood.)

Henley on the Horn said...

This is just too much. TOO MUCH. I can't believe he didn't go #2 (I like medical terms too) for a WHOLE WEEK. Wow. And just think of what that sweet relief must have been like for him. Why he chose a McDonald's, I will never understand. Eww.

Sue said...

There is just never a dull moment in your house is there? The McD's letter... hilarious!

Exciting news that the snake is safely back from his "trip to camp" too!

Marcie said...

HILARIOUS!!!! Laughed so hard I am about to wet my pants!

Sitesx6 said...

Is this what motherhood has come to?

Jumping for joy over #2 and a once was lost but now he is found snake......?????

I'm personally jumping for joy that my laundry is finally caught up and the dishwasher is empty.

The is too much to take. :)

Kelly in Michigan

LoLa said...

omigosh! You so ARE the queen of the seque!

Becca said...

haha that last line about killed me. the frozen mouse? nasty.

Sandra said...

Oh, the letter to McDonalds got me! LOL!!!!!! That is the funniest thing I have read or heard in a long time.

Kim said...

Oh you are killin me! Love Holli's idea for a reality tv show! :o)

Karin Katherine said...

Glad the snake is found! Who is taking bets on when he makes his next getaway?

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Oh, so glad the desperado Julius has come to his senses. About #2: I always say that when I go on vacation, it's like my bowels shoot me an email saying, "Hey, just letting you know that we're going to the lakes [or France, or somewhere other than where I'm going] so, see ya when you get back." There is no movement. None. Until i return.