Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Maybe I should stick to the elliptical.

At the advice of my father-in-law, I have started doing some interval type running thing in the mornings.

I may have modified his plan slightly, you know, so that it fits my fitness level and body-mass-whatever. I run for about a minute and then walk for about twenty-six. Then, just to get my heart rate back up again, I run for another thirty seconds.

With this new training, there's no doubt I'll never be in the Olympic trials. Not even as the water girl.

Anyway, I was on about minute fourteen of the walking part this morning when I rounded the corner onto a very busy street and slammed smack into a swarm of little flying gnat-like bugs. It was still dark so I couldn't see how big the swarm was but all I know is I couldn't get out of it. All my evasive maneuver tactics failed me. I was covered. They were flying in my mouth, my eyes, my hair, all over my body. I began swatting like crazy but could find no escape. I got down really low to the ground, almost on all fours, still swatting but couldn't get out. The swarm went down the entire block.

I was all flailing around at bugs I could feel but couldn't see.

Finally, I just started running, kinda hunched over, still swinging my arms frantically while cars wizzed by.

Some honked.

Thank you, that honk was incredibly helpful.

Then, in the middle of my episode, I thought of something and started laughing which made more bugs fly in my mouth so I was now laughing, swatting, coughing, and running like a total moron.

What made me laugh was the thought that some blogger probably drove right past me and now was speeding to her computer so she could write a stupid post about how, on her way to work this morning, she saw a sad crackhead in West Dallas hallucinating and swinging her arms wildly in the air at total nothingness.

She may have even ended it with an appropriate verse from Scripture.

Oh, Irony, you continue to be such a faithful friend.


Bill said...

If you had followed my advice, there is no way the bugs could have kept up with you. I knew you never paid any attention to my sage advise. I would repeat it to you once again, if I could only remember it.

Your lovingly wise father-in-law

Holli said...

i just saw this on Youtube- I thought the "crack head" looked familiar!!

Scott and Erin said...

LOL this post made my day!

Becca said...

I do not think that I could have laughed any harder at this post. I even read it out loud to my hubby. thanks for brightening my day :-)

Caroline said...

I laughed out loud when I read this. Wish I could have seen it so I could blog about it, been lacking some material lately. Thanks for the laughs...

Henley on the Horn said...

You are TOO funny. I considered making a fake post about seeing you this morning. Hilarious. I just love your sense of humor. Glad you survived. That's what you get for exercising! I tell you, it is NOT good for your health.

Traci said...

Oh I have laughed out loud far too long on this one! I would have loved to be a gnat in the air to see that!

Jennifer said...

You crack me up!

emily said...

How did I miss this and by miss it I mean first, the post and second, why did I not get to be there in person for this???? Good stuff here.

LoLa said...

Sweet irony. You give excellent story arc.