Friday, July 10, 2009

More on the snake.

After finding out that we had a snake loose in the house, many of you had various suggestions for me. Most of them involved moving, selling the house and moving, relocating, or moving as soon as possible.

So, what you're saying is, having a snake loose in the house is not a good thing?

I couldn't agree more. It's also made me think about the ramifications of actually having to put the house on the market and sell it.

We have a few drawbacks, let me just name a few.

1. The economy no es bueno. Houses are being foreclosed upon at an alarming rate. The bank officers have pitched a tent and have Pizza Hut delivered every other night. Oh, who am I kidding, Pizza Hut won't deliver in my neighborhood. When I call and give them my address, they say, "Are you in the neighborhood on the other side of I-30?"

"Yes. It's like 1/2 a mile from you. "

"Oh, um, yeah, we can't come over to that neighborhood because, you know, we're afraid we might die. Try Dominoes. They're crazy at Dominoes."

2. Like a water leak, termites, and black mold, I'm pretty sure I'd be obligated to put, "Snake loose in the house." on the disclosure statement. From the sounds of ya'll, and the look on Dea's face when we told him Julius was on the lamb, it would be a deal-killer for about 95% of our potential buyers.

3. After five years of scrub, I finally have some decent landscape growing and I'm not really willing to walk away because of a foot-long corn snake.

Also, I may or may not owe my marriage to a snake.

When Trey was in college, he, too, had a pet snake. It is just one more of the reasons I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have dated in college but, that's not important right now.

His snake had disappeared and been missing for about three weeks. He was sure Caleb, the apparently very biblical snake, was dead. Then one night, as he was taking some hussy (I actually think she was like Miss Texas or something like that. Whatever.) out on a date, he opened his car door for her and there, curled up on the passenger seat was Caleb, healthy and good as ever.

Trey was so excited he kind of ignored the now screaming and hysterical girl to embrace his long lost pet. She refused to go out with him again, leaving him single, which resulted in his move to Dallas where we met, got married, and lived almost happily ever after.

See, lemonade from lemons, people. Lemonade from lemons.

Now, this doesn't mean I'm not tearing the house apart looking for the thing. Someone suggested I put out something for bait, you know, to attract Julius.

Hmmm. What do I have that is horrible, causes angst, and can be incredibly painful?

How 'bout this? Their names are eerily close.

I think it will totally work.

Ya'll have a great weekend!


Sitesx6 said...

Well when Julius needs to "shed" his snakey skin, maybe he will think Jillian will help him "shred" ....banking on the fact that snakes don't read well, I think that will prove to be a perfect trap. Just give it time.........

Meanwhile......check your sheets before climbing in at night. EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Hope you find the cute guy.
Kelly in Michigan

Deidra said...

So glad your hubby had a snake back then. Not so glad for you now.

Have a happy weekend!

Jess said...

Trust me, moving is not the answer!!

We are still living in my sister's basement where our "kitchen" used to be the snake pit for the previous (I am sure meth-producing) owners. I am serious. Last week I thought I saw one of those snakes. Are you sure yours didn't end up in KC?

Good Luck to Julius.

emily said...

I can't believe that snake is still in the house- this should make for a very interesting story when he is found.

I can tell you- Caleb was a gem of a snake! :)

Zan said...

did level 2 today and i am done for the day. just stay in bed and do nothing. she is the death of me. why did you have to bring me down with you? what did i ever do to you?

Heather said...

I still have the heebie jeebies just that about Julius. I cannot even imagine. Sure hope you find that thing!

Karin Katherine said...

I suggest setting up a heat lamp and then your lovely snake will find its way over to the heat source and you'll find him in the am.

Yep, thank Magic School Bus!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

I think there's a great short story in there: "I Owe My Marriage to a Snake." Reader's Digest just called.

Caroline said...

if julius is smart, he'll run (or whatever snakes do) from jillian...

Sue said...

You crack me up! Good thing your hubby had that missing snake or who knows where you'd be ;-)

I remember having a missing hamster in the house growing up. We later found it (can't remember if it was him or her) in the pull out sofa in the family room. Mom was less than impressed to be sure as he nibbled his way through the mattress. Oopsie!

Hope your snake appears for ya soon!

Becca said...

oh I totally just died laughing at the end of this post :-)

I also really liked this part: "Oh, um, yeah, we can't come over to that neighborhood because, you know, we're afraid we might die. Try Dominoes. They're crazy at Dominoes."