The countdown has officially begun and in just a few short hours, the complete and total care of our six children will be in your and Bunty's hands while Trey and I are frolicking on a secluded beach somewhere close to the equator with fruity drinks in our hands. Or at a conference in Ohio. Same difference - at least that's what I keep telling myself.
While we're gone, I thought you might like some instruction as to the routine of our children. Basically, you know it already but who doesn't like a little point of reference. Kind of an 'In Case of Emergency Break Glass' kind of thing.
1. I have taken the liberty of laying out clothes and uniforms for each of the children for the next five days. I do this, not because my children are incapable of picking out their own clothes, but because Sadie has developed a little quirk where she finds the ugliest, most uncoordinated pieces of clothing in her closet and puts them on together. With boots.
If I only picked out her clothes, she would know somethings up and rebel against you, against me, and against the fashion world as we know it.
2. The school bus (your car) should leave promptly at 7:30 in the morning to, a. get the kids to school on time, and b. not have Graham's head pop off.
He likes himself some routine.
3. You know about carpool pick-up. And for the love of Pete, don't talk on your cellphone in carpool line. If caught, well, I don't even want to think about what could happen but I will say it involves public humiliation and flogging.
4. I didn't actually have time to go to the grocery store before we left so there's some Ramen and Frosted Flakes in the pantry. It should get you through the first four days.
5. Dea and Darius may have a friend (or 16) over. You will be amazed at the number of 6'1" basketball players that can fit into their room. Or how much they can eat.
And, although they appear to be permanent fixtures, Bull and Sebastian both have homes to which they can go. You may have to point them in the general direction, but they do have homes. Actually, Bull's is the one with the bullet hole through the front window where someone missed the car they were firing at last night. On second thought, maybe he should just stay here.
6. The wet spot on the carpet was not Scout. It was a Diet Coke debacle.
7. As much as the kids pester and beg, you are under no obligation to take them in the middle of the night to toilet paper any of their friends' houses.
8. The children are lice free. There is a small arsenal of lice paraphanalia in the master bathroom if you should need it or if anyone you know should need it.
In case of lice outbreak (highly unlikely), our cell phones will automatically shut off. Please call Carey or Renea. They are both experts.
9. In case of Swine Flu outbreak, please refer to #8.
10. Sadie has a birthday party at 2:00 on Saturday. She does not have to dress up as dress-up clothes will thankfully be provided. (See #1) She also does not have a gift but Layne understands that she will be getting a far better and fancier gift from Ohio upon our return. Or, if I forget, Target. It's o.k. She can't read.
Graham also has a birthday party on Saturday. He also does not have a gift to take. I will get one when I get home and it will be FABULOUS. Zachary can read.
11. Apparently, don't overload the washing machine. It will turn on you.
12. Yes, my car always smells like that.
13. So does Olivia's closet.
14. The animals need to be fed. The kids are responsible for that - they know what to do. If they forget, Scout will follow you around, as an ambassador for the rest of the animals, and bug the fire out of you until you feed her.
15. Trash day is Thursday. It's Tee's job. If he argues or whines, start reducing his allowance in $.50 increments. It's fast and effective.
16. That noise is gunfire.
17. That noise is a rooster.
18. If you hear #17 quickly followed by #16, and then don't hear #17 anymore, the neighborhood has officially gone to hell in a handbasket. Pack your things and get the heck outta dodge.
Have fun!!! Thank you!!!!