Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Regret consumes me.

A couple of months ago, I saw a notice on my friend's Facebook.

Again, a sentence I'm not proud to have written.

The notice was to all of her friends who had been married for at least 10 years.  I immediately took notice because Trey and I have been married for almost 15 years.  Fourteen of which have been pretty great.  Our first, not so much - I was a year out of college and maybe a little selfish. I'm just keepin' it real.  And understated.

Anyway, the post was looking for married couples who have little points of contention.  Not the big guns like affairs, divorce, etc. but the small stuff that, no matter how much we try, we all sweat a little.  It was for a t.v. show developed by Jerry Seinfeld.  Seriously, as soon as I read that, I knew it was going to be funny and determined that Trey and I were for sure going to apply.

A. He thinks my car is too messy (let the six children ride in his car everyday).

B. He doesn't like me touching him with my feet when we sleep.

C. He becomes frustrated when he finds all four cordless phones on one table - completely dead.


I totally entered us.  Laughing my head off at the prospect, I sent an email, a picture, and a sonnet I'd written about how much Jerry Seinfeld makes me laugh.

I made that last part up.

The next day, NBC called.  N.B.C called my house and asked for me, Melissa Hill of the hood Hill's.

"Yes, Melissa, we got your email and our producers will be in Texas in a week and would love to talk with you and your husband about being on our show."

Now came the uncomfortable part - the part where I sound like an idiot and say, "Yeah, well, um, I guess I'd better ask my husband first.  He doesn't exactly know I applied."


Guess how great Trey thought the idea was?  Not even half that much.  I think his exact words were, "No way, no how, never.  I'd get a pedicure before we'd go on a show like that."

When he threw out the whole, "I'd get a pedicure first", thing, I knew there was no arguing, convincing, cajoling.  That boy does not believe pedicures were meant for men and will go to his grave with un-pedified toes.

Honestly, it was one of the things I thought we could talk about on the show before millions of viewers.

Tonight, I saw a preview for the show.  It airs February 28th.

On the preview, a husband and wife were arguing because she kept the ashes of her dead first husband in their living room.  And his prosthetic leg in their closet.

Although it looked hilarious, Trey was possibly right.

I said possibly, not probably.

Can't wait to watch.


emily said...

I have major regret too- I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE YOU GUYS ON THE SHOW!!! It would have been hilarious and given us some new material for family get togethers. :)

Jess said...

Hahahahaha!!!! I needed a good laugh and wow, just wow! I love you and would have loved to see you on that show! :) Jerry Seinfeld ? Seriously?? Bahahahaha!

Henley on the Horn said...

Did they REALLY CALL and you REALLY turned them down?! What were you thinking? The Hood must be getting to you. That is hilarious. I can't wait to see the show.

Traci said...

Oh that is regretful- isn't there anything you can do? That would be hilarious. Oh well - have a good day- go charge your phones!

Bill said...

This is hilarious. I remember when the great debate over being on a reality show took place--- actually it was over pretty quickly. You would have been, for sure, the most interesting and funniest family to follow, however.

Not sure you would have exactly fit into the mix of a first husband's prosthetic leg and ashes though. Unbelievable!


Little Old Me... said...

Hilarious. I would love to have been able to watch you. As well as be on that show myself, but we have only been married just under eight years. Not that my husband would agree to it either...

Lea said...
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Becca said...

I am so mad at Trey right now. I was so close to having a famous friend. Lame.

Sitesx6 said...

Who needs Jerry Seinfeld...I think you and your family should have their own sitcom...I'd seriously watch (and I hate sitcoms). this family!!!!

Jess said...

Oh you guys would have been hilarious I bet! Guess I'll just have to keep myself entertained by your blog!

TanyaLea said...

darn it anyhow!! I would have LOVED to have seen you on that show... but at least I got a good chuckle from reading this post! ;)

Have a blessed weekend!

Anonymous said...

WHAT???? You REALLY need to have another discussion with your hubby about doing the show! Take from me...the woman who's husbands prothestic leg is in the closet and ashes on the Roland (not actually the mantle). Oh...and my daughter is a Theta!! :) Cheers...Susan

Karin Katherine said...

WOW...that is how it goes. Of course you'd get a call. I once got a call from Dr. Phil's people...hubby said N.O. too.

Now I fantasize about my own reality show where everyone can see my traumas and laugh.